Papa, Mama, I want to die. I want to come to heaven and be with you. I do not want to be here with daddy no more. Papa, I don’t really remember much of the time we spent together, you left when I was two to go to heaven. I have recently pinned back up all your pictures of you holding me. I know you would never hurt me like daddy is. Mama, you said daddy would protect me like Papa would have if he hadn’t gone to heaven so early. He did. Not any more mama. Since you left me too, daddy is not the same. I am afraid of him. I cry all the time . Only when alone. I have to smile whenever else or daddy will be very angry. Mama, you should have taken me with you.
The other day, Teacher Lenny asked us to write a composition about our fathers, for this Sunday would be Father’s Day. She said mine would have to be the best for last year, one of the best-selling magazines featured daddy and I on father’s day ! They had very beautiful pictures of us and a very lovely story of how a step father loves his adopted daughter so much he is father and mother to her. I did not know what to write. I wrote the title and that was it. When she came to class the next day, she asked me to explain. I said I didn’t know where to start or how to write about my daddy. There was too much to write and I was afraid it would make me cry. They did not understand, for they all clapped. Then she read my desk-mate’s. Vicky had refused to write about her own daddy. She had written about mine instead.
You see, at school everyone loves daddy. It must be because of the influence he has. It must be because of all the goodies he brings. Daddy was the major financier of the school library. It is even named after him.Daddy decides which teacher stays. Daddy decides who becomes my class teacher and how much they can interact with me. He has bought me everything that money can buy. I am the envy of all my friends.Vicky wishes his daddy would love her as mine does. Vicky wishes his daddy would protect her as mine does. Vicky wants my toys my shoes, my dresses and my house.I cried for Vicky. Vicky does not know how I wish I did not have this particular daddy.
Mama, after you left, I could not sleep at night. I had the scariest nightmares I had ever had. At the beginning, daddy would come and stay at my bedside till I fell asleep again. When he traveled, he would ask Nancy the help to stay the night so I wouldn’t be afraid.With time I did not have the nightmares any more. Daddy still came to make sure I slept before retiring to his own bedroom.
One day though, daddy did not go back to his bed. He climbed into mine. Papa, mama, daddy hurt me. There was so much blood. I cried my lungs out but he would not stop. He was not nice. He was angry. I had made daddy angry. He ordered me to clean up. He cleaned the bedding the next morning. He asked Nancy not to come to work but see him at the office. Since then, Nancy only comes to do all the chores when I am at school. I have never seen Nancy again. I only feel her presence for my clothes are clean my room too and food is always ready. I did not go to school that day. Daddy asked me to stay at home and warned me against telling anyone or he would put me out on the streets where I would know no comfort.
I cried so much I slept. This was just but the beginning. Daddy hurts me at every chance he gets. Mama, Papa, I am only eight years old now you know. Why is he doing this to me? I do not know what to do. I know what I want. I want to come to heaven and be with you. I can not tell anyone. Nobody will believe me. Teacher Mariah was once worried about me. I do not play with other kids any more. I sit alone. I am ashamed. I do not believe I am the most beautiful girl in the whole world like you used to tell me Mama. I am too sad and angry inside. One day when daddy came to pick me from school, teacher Mariah asked to speak to him about my withdrawal. Daddy agreed. They spoke for a long time. When we went home, daddy beat me. That was the first time he beat me.Then he hurt me again. He warned he would beat me if I did not behave well at school. I believed him for his eyes were so red and so huge as he shook me violently all the while spitting venom. He warned me about speaking to anyone about what he was doing to me. The next Monday, the head teacher announced at parade that teacher Mariah would not be teaching us any more. We were all very sad. She was the one I had been planning to confide in. The other kids spoke sadly for we all loved her and how like a mother she was to all of us. I cried. Teacher Mariah had seen what nobody else had or will see I am afraid. She left before she could help me.
Mama, Papa, I am all alone! I am hurting! I am afraid of the darkness. I am afraid of the house. Everything scares me. All men scare me.I no longer come first in all the tests. I hate my teachers. Daddy has told them it is because I am still grieving your loss mama, that is why I am dropping and they believe him. Daddy said if I ever tell Nancy he would hurt her so much. So I only write nice things in reply to the little sweet notes Nancy leaves on my study table.Oh mama,why has daddy become such a beast? How is daddy able to hide it all so well? Why can’t anyone see what he is doing yet I feel it is written all over me?
This father’s day ,Papa,Mama, I want to die !
Author’s note : May we look at our children. May we look at other people’s children. May we really LOOK, for we could be the saviours they really need ! In all the ways we can, may we do all we should to end their ABUSE!