UNDER MY WEARS…

Please permit me to spill my thoughts on these tiny garments of utmost importance. Remember to forgive me if you are allergic to any form of under garments because your underattachments and supporting documents are free like slaves that have recently bought their freedom or nobody makes the sizes that fit/impress you among other serious reasons. Believe me I understand you and if you buy me food and coffee regularly I may even be persuaded to join your komandoo movement.Just not today, biology and chemistry are against me and my uterus is angry, so talk to me in a week.
I hope I won’t stir ugly memories of the unfortunate underwear moments you have had. I know my male readers may have female undies memories or are currently experiencing them. You know, that colourful undy that’s been tactfully left behind by your woman who is not really yours and your woman who is yours has refused completely that she could never torture herself with stringy things and strangled you into admitting that a tactless species was trying to mark a territory that she was stupidly stealing by force? Or the ones you tried to put on before the mirror? The ones that were genuinely forgotten? No don’t be embarrassed, just laugh, you are not alone. Your fellow men harbour weirder fettishes.
You see, from a very tender age,we were taught to sit proper, like ladies. Nyayo milk kids from my hood back then will easily remember the line “funga duka Moi apite”. If you ever heard this line, girl you quickly squeezed your tiny thighs together and pulled your dress in place because someone had seen your undies. Now, don’t ask me why Moi was appointed to remind little girls to sit properly, even I have never known. I have already told you how I struggled at katii to make everyone aware that my Mummy had bought me new panties every time I had new ones on. How I would generously fold my skirt into them and leave a hanging tail then make mighty leaps into the air and allow the tail to lift enough for my friends to see the new panties? Oh yes, all the other little girls did these. Or made it more obvious by pretending to catch the katii-ball with the skirt so they would let the new under garments be seen. The brave ones would just say it ” nko na suruali mpya” then proceed to slowly lift their dress and allow us to have a detailed view. Well we were just kids! I’m afraid these childhood practices still manifest in some overgrown adult females.
Adults only share images of new designs or beautiful ones they’ve seen/bought to promote their seller friends I assume? Unless you have friends like mine who share everything they buy then you’ve probably never received images of undies in your phone, so I do not expect you to understand. I am very old fashioned and forgive me because I have no apologies for believing that underwear is not really for the general public to see, at least not when they are on your body. They are for your body and eyes. Oh well and whoever else helps you to put them on or remove them; for you who fall here, tell us more!
Today however, my coffee break was rudely interrupted by an image of an adult female, with generous behinds in mother’s union panties that were not even new! This image had filled up a huge screen. The said female was supposedly peacefully demonstrating. They told me against IEBC! BUT WHY?
Does Chilobae have a certain fettish for mother’s-union that only this female is aware of? Why? Why else would she spread her “nekhanee” like that? Is she a little girl?
Why am I so embarrassed on her behalf?
Photographers, ei poh! Yani a mamaa has fulamaad (bend over) like that, and with all your dedication get behind her, bend lower,maybe lie low down on the ground even, get the best angle and click your camera, and click and click some more? Poh!
Where I come from when a mother lifts her skirt and bends like that, you are cursed if the behind was directed your way. Now, I don’t understand this particular woman’s intentions. I am made aware that she was not the only one. Children, if your mother, or females you know is going out to protest or celebrate whatever justified course, can you please beg them not to embarrass us like that? Is it possible for them to do all clothes removing/lifting back at home even before the mirror hadi hasira ya kuoneshana uchi ikufe then walk out to go exercise their rights to picket/demo?
Can you please do that for us?
I gave up teaching men that their waist is neither on nor under their buttocks a long time ago, I hope you can be better than me and save our women folk!
Keep your underwear under your wears, won’t you?
Thank you!